THE
GREATEST NEED
By
Daniel Jacob
It's so simple, we surely miss
it.
The greatest need we could ever
have is to fully trust someone.
The fear that I feel inside is
that I will be betrayed in that trust.
But from whence does that fear come?
It could only come from distrust.
It is a speculation from this side of the river concerning
what that side is going to look like.
But when we actually
cross-over and get to that side of the river, it really doesn't
matter what it looks like.
All fear is this speculation of
an anxious heart---so desperate to be released---and yet so bound up.
Therefore, we sing an old
familiar song. We tell
ourselves all of the reasons why we could never attempt that place of
blessed confidence, why we must not let go of that which is impossible to
hold.
It's a mind game---a
titillation of the senses. It's
the foreplay which must inevitably lead to a magical joining.
But as your lover tempts you,
prods you, provokes you on---there is a necessary cruelty, a kind
of trial by fire. He
seeks to build a refuge---an oasis for your troubled soul.
That safety is found within the
knowledge that all sensation, as all truth, is circular in
nature. There is only
so long that one can cry out within the flame before misery turns to
acceptance, before all tension and despair gives way to resignation and
surrender.
Quite surely, it must then
follow that the greater suffering is the anticipation of the fire,
the endless concoction of our frazzled emotion which plays out--quite in
detail--what each lick of those fiery tongues would be like.
Scarier still than giving such
mindless trust is the prospect of asking for it.
To stand, shrouded in a mound
of flesh---scorned by some, admired by others---no special transcendent
package of bright expectation or surplus of ideals. What right
have I to ask so simple, yet so profound a blessed favor?
What credentials do I possess,
what persuasions can I offer, that would make it safe for you to lay aside
your protections and allow me entry into the Holiest of Holies?
If I were to make those
necessary promises, those various assurances that would put your mind to
rest, what would they be?
What could I tell you or show
you that would make it any easier to give away all---yes, I said all---of
those layers of insulation which separate your secret heart from mine?
If I could put on any form or
countenance---If my eyes or my lips were shaped in perfect contour---if my
crystalline gaze and my smile were so brilliant and pure that the stars of
the heavens shone in them when I spoke, would it be any easier to place at
my feet those certain treasures---those last essential mysteries which
make you who you are?
We live our lives suspended
over a deep chasm. It
is a dark and sinister chute which boasts the existence of a bottomless
pit.
We quiet ourselves with
activity and focus of awareness---hoping that these diversions will serve
as blinders---consolation for the inevitable moment when we must, once
again, look down into it's fateful yawn.
Perhaps, somewhere behind that
frown of darkness, a child smirks and trembles with the knowledge that it
is here, in this place, that the bottomless pit exists.
Perhaps, that sweet imp knows only too well that to enter the
transcendent state of complete vulnerability---letting go of all
fear---would put an end to our fall.
And so I ask you once again. What would it take for you dare to open your box of
secrets here and now?
What arguments could I make
that would convince you of my worthiness of your trust?
What contracts could I sign, what sacred bindings could I bestow?
What qualifies me to freely
accept what others have died trying to steal away from you?
It is simply that I AM HERE,
and I HAVE ASKED YOU---and you have reached the place where you can hold
onto it no more.
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Reconnections, Inc. All Rights Reserved.