Now. Now is the time.
Here, in the far reaches of inner space there stands a portal. It is a doorway into the unknown. We stand, like James Spader before an awesome "Stargate," looking at our reflection as cool and shimmering waters. We poke a hand in, feel the sensation, and then we quickly withdraw. Somewhere inside, we knew it would be like this!
Decisions. Decisions. Dare I go through? It feels as though there are eyes at my back. People, some of them with mental, emotional, or financial investments in me, wanting me to "do it for them." I wonder how many ancestors and relatives I carry with me on this journey. How many have reached for this vision, only to drop by the wayside---blocked by fear or pre-occupation with worldly care?
And yet........ here, in this moment, there is no more "them." There is only me---by myself. This, I believe, is the greatest fear known to man---to be by himself........alone. When I dare to think about it, really feel what it would be like, I step back in horror and hesitation.
All my writing, all of that teaching (given to "others"), all of those channeled sessions at the computer or in groups---all of that is now reduced to this. A part of me now owns consciously that I am one man (or one woman)---lost in a funhouse made up entirely of mirrors. I write to "others" and get "replies"---and it is illusion! It is a Game. I have enjoyed it, and I continue to enjoy it. But part of me now knows.
To be "by myself" and fearful is to be alone. To be "by myself" and at peace is to be all one. Even the word "alone" is a contraction---as is the emotional experience called "lonely." And so......across time......within my various states of contraction, I took that ALL ONE and I "broke it up." I fragmented my world out---creating the illusion of separate "me's" so that I could learn more about myself and enjoy myself more. This is not a bad thing. It is not a good thing. It just simply is.
Oh yes, I realize that there actually are "others" out there. I cannot bring myself to expand my ego that much to think that nothing else exists but this frail and confusing form. The trouble is, though, I cannot SEE those others. My eyes are covered by an ego. That ego, or perceptual grid, actually "filters" what I perceive and makes it look exactly like a part of me. How could it do otherwise? I need those "me concepts" to define my reality.
Even though the grid is marvelously complex, and wonderfully creative in the variety of expressions that spring from it, I am starting to---at the mental and emotional levels---really realize the "common fabric" out of which all these "forms" are cut. I am piecing together all the "fragments" and I am beginning to see a bigger picture.
The world "out there" is a dazzling thing at times. I travel, I meet people, I form relationships. I acquire things, enjoy experiences, make love.
It is soooo distracting and enthralling. It makes me forget what this part of me now knows. It makes me want to work and bargain and struggle and fret---seeking to build "out there" what is lacking inside. But in the end, when the music subsides and the smoke dissipates---when the circus sideshows have packed and gone, and all the audience has gone "home"--- I find myself back here---standing at The Gate.
The Gate is really more than it's name implies. It is actually a closet with two doors. One door interfaces with this World of Form. The other door opens to The Multiverse---a compilation of all the possible/probable manifestations of every universe, every living being, every object, every face of God/Goddess/All That Is that has ever been or could ever be.
This "closet" begins with a long corridor. Actually, it has often been described as a tunnel. At the end of it, there always appears to be a light. The color "white" has always been a symbol of purity and wholesomeness. That is because it is the one color that contains all colors. At the end of the "tunnel" is everything. It only makes sense that would be appear to be white!
There are other doors here, in this closet. This closet, this corridor is lined with them. Each one represents an alternative version of our World of Form. Millions and trillions of variations are here, standing ready to be explored. Just as that "Stargate" in the movie was precisely aimed and focused---delivering it's "riders," in the wink of an eye, to wherever and whenever they wished to go---so then, is this Gate ready to take ME anywhere I wish to go.
But I am afraid. Do I have a RIGHT to go in here? Am I responsible enough to handle what I will find? Will I be crushed by the weight of my own at-most-fear, or will I be fried when I step through---forfeiting this physical "body" that I consider to be my only self? Will it hurt, if that should happen?
Am I ready?
Ah yes, there is my concern!!! Am I really READY to do this?
And so, I wait. I stand at this Gate, or I wander around nearby. I sit on a rock and I think. Is there anything left for me to "get done" here in this World of Limitation? In anticipation of this time, my own life force has installed certain perceptual "seat belts"--- such as responsibility for other people, places or situations. I have connections here........friends, a life's work, a family. What about them? Will I ever see them again?
My head spins. A few moments before, things all seemed so clear. Now, as I re-enter this fog of doubt, a dense shroud of fear falls around me. I arise from my rock, and I again walk to the portal.
In goes my hand. I pull it back quickly. There is a flush, a feeling of numbness, a tingling there. Next, I insert by foot. There is pain and an awful sensation of constriction. Again, I step back from the portal. I come to realize something very important about my world!
I now see that all diseases in my universe stem from this very experience I am having now! All diseases are the result of a finite being, nearing an experience of "Total Transformation," who only puts part of his or her body through the Gate!
The "decomposition" that occurs in the body when we pass through The Gate is a necessary part of the process of energetic teleportation and "recomposition" in whatever other dimension we select. However, if a traveler only puts part of his/her body through the Gate, and then quickly withdraws---it will feel and appear like something is beginning to eat his flesh and must surely destroy it.
This is the "price" of hesitation. Hesitation SLOWS DOWN the experience. Inch by inch, hand by hand, foot by foot---indecision, fear, turmoil. Step through, pull back. Step through, run and hide---hide and think. It's HIDE AND SEEK! But what do I seek? I seek a reason NOT TO GO. I beg for one thing, one person, one blessed commitment that will make me FORGET this whole business---leave it for another day! Why? Why do I want so badly to keep forgetting?
It is because I am awesome. I come from the core of All That Is. I come from the center of power, the pinnacle of knowledge and wisdom. In my former estate, I was/am a Being of such infinite grace and skill that I can be or have, quite literally, anything I wish.
Because of this, I seek "recreation." Occasionally, I need to take a vacation. If you already come from such power and wisdom, where do you go to get some "R and R?" You come here, to this place---the World of Limitation. You try your hardest to FORGET. You blow off your majesty, put away your wisdom, and you plant yourself firmly in the soil---born into a family of "mortals" and people who are under planetary "laws."
You struggle and claw your way through hardship after hardship. You "hire in" thugs to come and rape, maul, rob, abuse, and HURT you. You hire parents, teachers, authority figures, and spiritual "gurus" to screw up your thinking and hide your divinity from you! It's all in good, clean fun. A universe here, a galaxy there, playgrounds for the Ancient and Shining Ones.
Though the Veil of Forgetfulness quite effectively hides this wry motivation from the conscious mind, I am really a Cosmic "Houdini" seeking to compete with myself concerning the number of "handicaps" I can overcome!
I don't hesitate at this Gate because I "doubt" it will work! I know it does. This Gate is how I got here in the first place! I hesitate like anyone would---anyone who is at the check-out counter at the grocery store, asking himself that universal question: "Now...is there anything else I need while I'm here?"
Copyright, 1995, by Daniel Jacob. All Rights Reserved. May be copied and shared, for purposes of personal growth and/or research, so long as the above URL and this copyright notice are included in their entirety. All reproduction for profit, by any means, requires the written permission of the author.
From Kia, U.K.,
DJ: One heck of a story!
"How can I express this awful sense of knowing that
identifies with shadows, phantoms in the night, that
has no roots in flesh? Will there ever again be a
language that flows from heart to heart?"
My name is Kia, your writings are most pertinent and
there have been many, many days when you have made my day.
Often in an upside down world turning right side
up, yours is one of the very few landmarks left that
can be still be seen.
The above paragraph from your poem 'Waiting to be
ready' has be the only info from the web that comes
even close to the reconnecting I have been
experiencing in the last few days.
I write to you in complete astonishment because would
you believe that a 34 year old woman like myself has
been hiding under the duvet with the lights on for the
last three days? For when the lights are off, in the
darkness of my room, lights strobe away, their
flashing and movement excite and yet terrify me, I
cannot bear to look, afraid of what I might see
forming. Even the knowledge that I will come to no
harm for once does not comfort me. Two nights ago I
slept with a candle, last night the curtains were
But it is not the seeing of flashing lights that have
me so unsettled. Were it that simple, I would not
write to you. When I lie in my bed, my own energy
field expands, to the point that the duvet lifts ever
so slightly and I have this overwhelming feeling that
I am not alone. That someone is behind me, then
someone might be in my bed. My eyeballs tremble in
their sockets and after three days like this, I
believe that I am now seeing auras.
It's so amazing because there are two feelings that
accompany me, the first is being completely scared and
the second is being completely turned on by the whole
This is no ghost story, I know who I am, I think I
know what this is, neo shaman that I am, it was only a
question of time before the scales fell from my eyes.
It would seem that my unreasonable fear of ghosts came
about because I decided as a child not to entertain
the unseen anymore because this sight might endanger
my family. I feel that I am being guided through the
process of being myself again as I was before I
allowed my environment to limit who I am.
It's fun, it's scary, it's fantastic. Apparently, my
friend (who is experiencing the same thing) dreamt on
Monday night that I sent her a text telling her about
the energy that was transforming my room. She told me
this in reply to my text stating exactly that on
Tuesday daytime; I told her that some kind of gate was
opening in my room, either that I said, or I'm being
The quickening. I just never thought I'd see any of
this stuff, other people see stuff, I just read about
it. I accepted this as my lot, that I would not need
visual aids in this particular reconnection, that it
would all have to based on faith alone. But I can see
auras now and that is kinda cool.
I just wanted you to know that you are appreciated. It
is because of the Reconnections that I bear "the
tremor that all must learn to bear" with everything
that I've got.
"One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star." ~ Friedrich W. Nietzsche