Identifying disowned selves within you

By John Nutting

At the start, you, your friends, your partner, even your facilitator may be totally unaware of the existence of disowned parts within you, but here are some ways to spot a disowned self:                                                           

1. When a sub-personality you see or hear in another person, gives you a bad (emotional) taste in the mouth, without any obvious reason. One of your selves is obviously reacting strongly about this, but why? Because when the selves in you, who got rid of your ‘problem’ self, see a similar one alive and active in someone else they start to worry. What if your disowned self starts thinking about returning from exile and joining it?  However the reaction is not always repulsion, it can be an irresistible attraction. You can be overpowered, enmeshed (or both) by the other person’s behaviour.

For example, if a hard, one-above, ‘cold and logical’ self has successfully got rid of all the emotional selves in Gary, he may at first be drawn to those parts in Gina. Her emotional side looks ‘interesting’ because it seems so unlike his own personality. Later on, Gary’s cold, logical selves begin to judge and criticise Gina’s feeling selves as ‘too soft’ and this leads to the break up of that relationship. So noticing whatever it is you keep attracting into your life (and when it comes, you react strongly to it) helps identify the parts you have disowned.

2. Whatever you disown seems to attract towards you other people who are carrying or ‘holding’ similar energy to your disowned parts. It may turn up in a partner, but just as often in your children, friends, people at work, a bank manager or shop assistants. Even your pets may have selves similar to those you have disowned.

3. People with disowned selves that are the opposite of yours will be drawn to you. Gary’s girl friends will be attracted to him by his hard strong ‘logical’ side (which they have disowned). This gives Gary another way to see that he has disowned his feelings.

Other pointers to a disowned self in you:
4. If one character, animal or object in a particular dream has a major impact on you, it usually represents one of your disowned selves. Similarly if you often experience an emotion such as fear, sexual energy, anger or dishonesty in your dreams yet seldom when awake, this suggests that this emotion is disowned in you. So do dreams where you lead a life opposite to daytime reality. If a clean cut, BMW driving, lawyer dreams he is a long-haired surfer, that’s the side he’s disowned.

5. Disowned selves can also reappear temporarily, when you are very tired, sick, stressed or under the influence of any kind of primary self blocking substance particularly alcohol.

Home | Back to Primary Selves