THE GREATEST NEED
By Daniel Jacob
It's so simple, we surely miss it.
The greatest need we could ever have is to fully trust someone.
The fear that I feel inside is that I will be betrayed in that trust. But from whence does that fear come? It could only come from distrust. It is a speculation from this side of the river concerning what that side is going to look like.
But when we actually cross-over and get to that side of the river, it really doesn't matter what it looks like.
All fear is this speculation of an anxious heart---so desperate to be released---and yet so bound up.
Therefore, we sing an old familiar song. We tell ourselves all of the reasons why we could never attempt that place of blessed confidence, why we must not let go of that which is impossible to hold.
It's a mind game---a titillation of the senses. It's the foreplay which must inevitably lead to a magical joining.
But as your lover tempts you, prods you, provokes you on---there is a necessary cruelty, a kind of trial by fire. He seeks to build a refuge---an oasis for your troubled soul.
That safety is found within the knowledge that all sensation, as all truth, is circular in nature. There is only so long that one can cry out within the flame before misery turns to acceptance, before all tension and despair gives way to resignation and surrender.
Quite surely, it must then follow that the greater suffering is the anticipation of the fire, the endless concoction of our frazzled emotion which plays out--quite in detail--what each lick of those fiery tongues would be like.
Scarier still than giving such mindless trust is the prospect of asking for it.
To stand, shrouded in a mound of flesh---scorned by some, admired by others---no special transcendent package of bright expectation or surplus of ideals. What right have I to ask so simple, yet so profound a blessed favor?
What credentials do I possess, what persuasions can I offer, that would make it safe for you to lay aside your protections and allow me entry into the Holiest of Holies?
If I were to make those necessary promises, those various assurances that would put your mind to rest, what would they be?
What could I tell you or show you that would make it any easier to give away all---yes, I said all---of those layers of insulation which separate your secret heart from mine?
If I could put on any form or countenance---If my eyes or my lips were shaped in perfect contour---if my crystalline gaze and my smile were so brilliant and pure that the stars of the heavens shone in them when I spoke, would it be any easier to place at my feet those certain treasures---those last essential mysteries which make you who you are?
We live our lives suspended over a deep chasm. It is a dark and sinister chute which boasts the existence of a bottomless pit.
We quiet ourselves with activity and focus of awareness---hoping that these diversions will serve as blinders---consolation for the inevitable moment when we must, once again, look down into it's fateful yawn.
Perhaps, somewhere behind that frown of darkness, a child smirks and trembles with the knowledge that it is here, in this place, that the bottomless pit exists. Perhaps, that sweet imp knows only too well that to enter the transcendent state of complete vulnerability---letting go of all fear---would put an end to our fall.
And so I ask you once again. What would it take for you dare to open your box of secrets here and now?
What arguments could I make that would convince you of my worthiness of your trust? What contracts could I sign, what sacred bindings could I bestow?
What qualifies me to freely accept what others have died trying to steal away from you?
It is simply that I AM HERE, and I HAVE ASKED YOU---and you have reached the place where you can hold onto it no more.
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